Saturday 9 March 2013

As a woman do we ever feel "done"..

I'd like to get as many opinions on this as possible so please spread the word of this entry and lets see what other woman feel.

Connor was my last baby, in pregnancy I knew I was completely done and I was happy with my choice to close the mummy hotel (aka: tummy!) when he was born I felt done, coming home from the hospital I felt sad .. sad that I will never be pregnant again, sad that I will never cradle my own newborn again or watch them grow to the age of 1, 2, 3 etc again... this was the last time I was going to be doing all the milestones.

The idea was my husband would be going for the snip (as far as I know he still is - although that appointment has not been made yet) that would give us no choice but to be done, but i found myself stopping and asking him if he was really sure this is what he wanted.. no more children.. EVER? what if we got to 5 years time and we wanted another? which brings me to this..

I know we cannot AFFORD another, if we had another then it would be taking from the 4 children we already have in terms of our haven holidays, Christmas, birthdays, days out etc and my body cannot physically handle any more pregnancies I get pre-natal depression as well as post natal depression and I have had problems with my back for many years and with Connor's pregnancy I had times where I could not move at all for up to a week and had to rely on family to care for my children (take them to school, pick them up, dress them..) there is no room in our house for any more either and moving is not an option right now. 

So why is this not enough to make me feel done? even though in my heart I know we have to be done. So my question to other mothers... are you done? did you 100% feel at ease with your decision? did you ever have any regrets? 

am I truly 100% done?? I don't know but I know my husband is in his words "You cannot keep having babies forever..." maybe that's it.. is it just the pregnancy and baby years I will miss? in time will them feelings fade away? should I count my blessings and move on...? 

6 comments:

  1. Well, as a mum to only one, aged 22, I don't know if I can be of much help but I know in my mind I think I would be happy to have just another one. OH wants at least 4 (3 from him + Shy). I loved being pregnant though and the experience of labour etc and definitely know I want to do it again so who knows, after 2 or 3 or 4 I might still love that feeling and ache to do it again. I guess it is just a maternal thing. Maybe it fades after menopause? LOL

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  2. I wish I knew the answer to this! right now I am content but where will I be when matilda starts school? but do I want another pregnancy? could we afford another? we even discussed having more...Oscar even sounded like he did want more! but I don't know! to think I wont be pregnant again hurts my heart!

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  3. After I had Ellie, I felt like you do now. I got over it or rather, got use to it but I don't feel done. I miss newborn babies, toddlers, being pregnant and the rest that comes with it. Yet, I doubt I'll have any more, as time goes on it gets easier, for me any way. I do have my life back a little now that my three are at school.. I dunno. It's a hard question to answer.
    I think at some point we have to say "enough is enough, no more" but only you truly know when that time is. *hugs* xx

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  4. I think it's such a hard question because as women we are naturally broody and want to have more children. At the moment I really want another baby. I miss my little man being tiny. But then I think is that the reason. Not that I want another baby but I miss my time with him as a baby?? But I know given half the chance I would have another one tomorrow. The big problem in our house is my husband is most certainly done. He does not want anymore ever and I honestly believe him that this will be the case. So even though I'm not done I will have to come to terms with the reality that theres a big chance I will not have another little person. In reality I also know we couldn't really afford another one at the moment, to do so would be at the expense of the other three (1 little boy together and 2 girls are my husbands but with us 50% of time) and I like that we can give them everything they need.

    Sorry for my rambling reply but to answer your question no I'm not done. No I'm not comfortable with the decision that's been made for me and I know I will regret it. The problem is I love my husband!!! I think truly only you can decide. Can you wait a couple of years just to see how you feel then? Would you husband wait before having his op?

    Sar xxxxx

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  5. I have said I'm done after Daniel and Michaela. I am done unless we have an oops but I'm pretty sure my IUD has it covered.

    We cannot afford another child either, nor do we have room for one. I do fine with pregnancy but my labours are not good. I have had one long labour and hairy delivery by ventouse resulting in a sick sick baby, and an emergency c-section in which I lost half my blood and was very poorly indeed for several days.

    And even all that considered, no, I am not 100% happy to be done. I'm not sure if that's because women never are, or because I always wanted 3-4 and I didn't achieve that number.

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  6. We wont have any more - we compromised, I wanted 2, hubby wanted none so we have 1 - however, there's not a day goes by where I have a sad moment, thinking how I will never feel a baby moving inside me, or breastfeed an infant, or watch a baby's development, etc.
    Mostly I feel for my daughter, she is by far the youngest in our family, when we are old & gone, she'll have no one except friends and family of her own if she has some by that time. It saddens me that she has no siblings to turn to in times of need if/when we are not here.

    There's nothing I can do about it except leave my husband and find someone else, but how does one choose: a husband who you dearly love, or another child?

    I don't think there is an answer to this question!

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